Founder's Blog • Be Kind Anyway

We witness the world. We feel it. Our very bones remember what we have lived through. For survivors, these deeply stressful times can call forth one's own history of neglect, betrayal and vulnerability. It has become more, not less, difficult to cope as this pandemic, the brutality of war and racial injustice drag on. These extraordinary times create extreme responses—for worse and for better.

Sometimes we revert to the old demons we used in the past to survive, and the ways we shut out, shut down, or close off from the people or the solace we really need. The embedded past experience of anxiety and profound fear can bring us back to the anger or self contempt that mimic those who harmed us, or the lies they told us.

And this is the challenge of how we treat ourselves.

In times like these, it is amazing to witness the self-sacrifice and generosity others possess in the face of these difficult times. But truly, why is it so difficult for us to recognize that powerful aspect of kindness we ourselves possess for others. The programs embedded inside from the abuse often makes it hard to see ourselves, and all we are-- or why it is so vital to tend to our own time, boundaries and health we can truly make use of all we have lived through and all we have learned.

There is little more to say that we have not heard before about tending to ourselves. This is not just a bubble bath or vacation. It is an everyday practice that is easily neglected: simply resting, moving, eating something delicious and fresh, finding some joy in small things.

The world is with us. There is so much to attend to and so very much we want to fix. This is why these simple acts of kindness for ourselves are vital-- so that we can attend to what and who we truly care about.

Founder's Blog

Out of a great need

                                                                                                                              we are all holding hands

                                                                                                                              and climbing.

                                                                                                                              Not loving is a letting go.

                                                                                                                              Listen

                                                                                                                              the terrain around here

                                                                                                                              is far too dangerous for that.

 

                                                                                                                                                                  -Hafiz

 

 

 

            The recent events in  this world can stupefy us with their cruelty and pain.  There is war, chaos, injustice and grief.  We may rage in anger or retreat in fear or overwhelm just to feel safe.

 

            There is an ancient healing practice called tonglen that cultivates fearlessness and compassion in the face of suffering and all that seems unfixable.  Tonglen is a way of connecting with the pain that we cannot change, whether it be a person or a situation.  In tonglen, the practice is to breathe that person or thing into the heart and then breathe out the fear and resistance with kindness.  

 

This practice is coming to terms with what feels true inside, even the darkest feelings, breathing not only the pain of oneself, but for the world.    This is not a superficial exercise. To take in pain and grief with this kind of softness may seem counter-intuitive. Why would you want to take in what you most wish to eliminate?   It goes against the grain of wanting to control things on our own terms.

 

But consider truly feeling what you feel and actually take it in—then, send out relief to all who are just like you, who want to be strong—or who want to be kind but are actually angry or numb because of fear or loss. We may find that the more negativity we take in with a sense of openness and compassion, the more goodness there is to breathe out.*

 

It may be hard to face the darkness, to ride the wave of being stuck in the muck.  But we can hold the world and those we care for.  We can breathe in this kindness for all of us, and breathe it back out with love -for all of us. 

 

Enclosed is a resource used by Congolese women survivors of domestic violence.  For generations they have used fingerholds to manage overwhelming and difficult emotions in times of profound stress. These fingerholds can reduce stress and help us feel overwhelmed. 

 

As we breathe in and out

 

 

 

*Chogyam Trungpa