A message from Swnw, a TBO Alum
I want to share my experience with the organization that has supported me in my healing with the hope that others may learn about their transformative work and connect with them.
Taking Back Ourselves (TBO) is an organization staffed by licensed mental health providers who specialize in working with individuals who identify as female or non-binary, are age 18 or older, and have experienced sexual trauma. A primary goal is to empower survivors to heal in community with others.
TBO offers Weekends of Recovery at a lovely retreat center. Please don’t stop reading because you believe you could never afford a weekend or even find the time to get away for a few days. There are scholarships available and staff will help you brainstorm how to carve out time to do this for yourself. The Weekends of Recovery include a two-night stay on a beautiful retreat property that is quite an oasis, all meals are included, as well as ongoing support throughout the entire weekend.
How has TBO impacted my life? When I began my own healing journey nearly 20 years ago (in my mid-40s, it’s never too late), I was living with sometimes debilitating depression and anxiety. I was filled with self-hatred and shame. I was trying to function while having flashbacks and frequently being triggered. I was dissociating at times. I trusted no one and I had the impenetrable wall to prove it. I often seriously considered suicide. It was a hell of a way to “live”.
I found a therapist and started medication, both of which helped stabilize me to some degree. After a few years my therapist suggested that I consider attending a TBO Weekend of Recovery. Agreeing was not an easy decision. I had never in my life attended any kind of retreat and I’m very much an introvert. I’m not comfortable talking about myself in a neutral setting much less one designed for survivors. I had also never even had a conversation with another survivor. And I would have to leave my beloved dog in the care of another person.
Once I registered and before the weekend itself one of the therapist facilitators contacted me for a phone interview. The conversation was quite comprehensive, which I later learned provided the knowledge the facilitators utilized among themselves to help ensure I got the most out of the weekend possible. The person I spoke with also provided thorough information on the weekend and answered every question I posed.
I was full of trepidation when the weekend arrived, still not trusting what I had gotten myself into. Once at the retreat center I was put somewhat at ease by meeting the facilitators, who were all personable, gentle, and understanding, all while remaining exceedingly professional.
The facilitator team puts a huge emphasis on creating a safe enough space for every participant. Very early in the weekend every participant has the option to state out loud what types of things make them feel unsafe. For example, unexpected loud noises, having someone behind them without their knowledge or being touched without consent. This is a group activity so each person can hear that they’re not alone in their fears; each survivor in that room has avoidable behaviors exhibited by others that can make them feel unsafe.
I’m not going to describe every activity that took place during my weekend except to say they include large and small group activities, music, an art project, breathing exercises, somatic work, and time for journaling and rest. And let me say that no one is required to participate in anything. The suggestion is given that you consider trying things outside your comfort zone but there is absolutely no shaming if you decide not to do something.
As the weekend was coming to a close, there was an activity to help everyone define how they were going to return to their lives after being in this totally supportive environment for 3 days. This is to help with the transition home, or wherever anyone is going, due to the significant shift that can happen after being in a very supportive and contained space with others who have shared experiences. It is a truly important part of the process to prepare for the transition and offers support and guidance in considering what is needed individually as well as ways to stay connected to the TBO community.
Every survivor’s story is different and important yet you will have the opportunity to experience healing in community. For many of us, the weekend is the first time to learn how powerful that community is. And with consent, participants can share their contact information with one another so that everyone has a ready support system when they return to their lives.
I came away from that weekend a changed person. The depth of emotions that I experienced, being in the company of other survivors while being supported by an incredible team of facilitators was truly life changing. I still had a long and challenging healing journey to pursue – and I’m still making that journey - but now I knew that there were others out there who would be alongside me as I moved forward. Yeah, I know in some ways it sounds very cliched but in this instance I can say it was absolutely true.
I have chosen to continue my involvement with TBO. To date I have attended 6 weekends; two Level 1s and three Advanced Weekends. Every weekend is different as to the mix of attendees and the specific activities but every single weekend has been a profound experience for me, which has supported my continued healing. The organization also offers occasional virtual Alumni Gatherings for anyone who wants the opportunity to rekindle the connection with other alums and the facilitator team.
