What now?
The earth is rumbling with turbulence.
But above the planet debris, the blue remains so utter, air so still.
Everything clamors for your attention: the world, the wind and wildfires, the work, the cravings, the people you cannot fix, the hurts, regrets, shame—yours or others passed down to you... your deep grief, its unexpected losses and realizations, your fear of the future, fear of the now, that incessant drumbeat that insists on constant production, the performance of a version of yourself that is not you, the child inside that begs to be heard.
But for a moment or an hour could you close the door? You may have to turn off your phone. Listen to the deafening silence even as your brain screams. Notice how the mind craves its noise, its worries, its grief and its sorrow, its constant chatter...
Watch it whirl.
And for now at least, don't rush to do anything about it... yet.
Could you rest here, even in this wildly unnerving tender place? Even though they tell you there must be skin in this game of life, what if, for this moment, you don't play?
What if you shed the skin?
Imagine decoupling for a moment. Imagine how it could be to truly rest even with all that is unfinished and unresolved, and hold it with softness? Imagine a clarity in this as you accept it all, including yourself.
Then slowly, dream awake.
See yourself look at this world, its people—your people—other people, the hurt, the judgements, the grief, the fear, and all the rest.
Look and listen to yourself in all of this with kindness, even what you do not like or understand—even if you can't accept what you see and hear.
Survivors are programmed to be loyal to the toxic messages from their trauma. But you have learned so much more about yourself than what you inherited from your suffering. Otherwise you would not be reading this.
Rest in it for a moment
Then you will know what you must do.
Breathing in, attend to what is yet unsettled in your mind
Breathing out, release what is unfinished, for the time being
Breathing in, make room for patience…
Breathing out, release the desire to fix
Breathing in, make room for suffering
Breathing out, release the resistance to the pain
Breathing in, make a place for curiosity
Breathing out, release the need for certainty
Breathing in, open your heart to kindness…to them and to yourself
Breathing out, relax the muscles of fear
Breathing in, make room for possibility
Breathing out, let go of the need for approval
Breathing in, open to the possibility of friendship—real friendship
Breathing out, let go of going it alone
Breathing in, make peace with the darkness
Breathing out, make room for light.
The new year unfolds and beckons. You cannot go back.
And that is the power of this moment.