Not even for a moment
do things stand still; witness
color in the trees.
⎯Seiju
what to do
what to think
entrenched...
stuck in the circumstance
stuck in a rut
stuck in therapy
stuck in monotony
stuck at a plateau
stuck in bad habits
old junk food
looking at my phone
stuck at work
stuck in relentless ambition
stuck with bad health
stuck with dependence
stuck in the repeat of toxic relationships
stuck with jealousy
stuck with my family
stuck with my co dependencies
stuck in oppression
stuck in my rage and grievance
stuck in the obsessive loop of self doubt
stuck in worry
stuck in fear
stuck in addiction...
stuck in depression
stuck in my boredom
stuck in my inability to say no
stuck in my inability to say YES
stuck in my self absorption
stuck glued to my grief
stuck in an identity that no longer fits
stuck in my own story
stuck with the elephant in the room
stuck in this endless repetition again and again and again
stuck on the wheel of my own mind...
The list goes on and on.
There are times when you find yourself in some endless loop and cannot clear the way out of the mire. The situation can be physical, circumstantial or mental. Understanding why you are stuck is only a piece of this and often there seems to be no easy trick to getting unstuck.
The moment-to-moment commitment to change can feel exhausting. You may cling mightily to your old familiar strategies, the comforts of habit and conditioning.
You seem to regress and simply can't see a way out of the hole. The ancient programs and messages kick in. You come up against your own unique wall as you try to transform your muscle-mind and get out of the muck.
Unspoken and unacknowledged shadows are powerful parts of you that trap your energy. You may notice that you 'smallify' and contract. Yet, your being stuck can also signal a significant cross point in recovery. The disturbers of your peace originally emerged as survival tools in trauma, antagonists who have outgrown their job to keep you safe. Healing does not require their disappearance, only their realignment, or perhaps their reassignment.
You may think that there is no progress out of the rut even if you try mightily to be honest and intentional within yourself. But in fact healing is happening. How can you disrupt your own entrenched self? You may have to become "dis-illusioned.”
Gabor Mate has given us a brilliant compassionate lens to come to terms with those younger parts of ourselves that sometimes rule the roost, especially after early trauma. The self loathing and shame were originally defenses you came up with to keep you safe when there was no one to show you otherwise. Consider that they just might have outlived their function.
You may resist any possibility of change. But consider how you could move through this if you were disloyal to the programs of the past. It may feel threatening to do so, but the reason you are trudging through the mud of your own mind (and perhaps this blog) is to break free.
Long ago, I came across an old master who had an interesting take on the habits that keep us stuck and do not serve us anymore. He said we must dis-able the comfort of the habit of stuckness letter by letter... "
HABIT
a bit
bit
it
i
In the end, it’s always the "I" that has the most challenge to get out of its own way.
What to do then? Allow the disbelief and the disillusion. Allow despair. (Yes—even that). Despair may be a precursor to possibility. Consider sitting with the tired loop that binds you without medicating with drugs or distraction and see what you discover.
Consider the risk of moving toward de-hypnotizing yourself, instead of avoiding it or simply giving up. It may be the greatest challenge just to respect this process, and to be curious and patient even with your impatience. Allow the fear of stepping into the air of unknowing to be a guide instead of an enemy.
You don't do this by yourself. It helps to have support here, where you don't have to perform and can be real about what you honestly discover within yourself.
Your body and your heart will reveal the myths and lies that have kept you stuck.
Your most authentic self begs to be known and to break through. It is a moment to moment commitment to yourself.
So respect the struggle you are in, the mud you wade through. It is worth it.
You are worth it.