Rage & Tenderness

 

Out
Of a great need
We are all holding hands
And climbing.
Not loving is a letting go.
Listen
The terrain around here
is
far too
dangerous
for
that.

 -Hafiz

Rage and Tenderness

This world can stupefy us with its cruelty... Our response to such suffering is often a helpless rage. Rage can be cathartic in the short term, that blast of power, noise or energy that can blow things apart or shut things down. And, often it goes inside, which sucks up the lifeforce. That is called depression.

Anger does carry power. It is loaded with energy and can provide a sense of worth. But, this kind of self-protection is not necessarily self-care. Whether angry or raging, the response of tension we experience from this comes from emotional hurt. It is a strategy of self-protection to tend to the hurt. Anger creates tension, rigidity and sometimes aggression, either within or without.

For a survivor, history and programming - and creating some semblance of safety- have been what one had to survive the assaults and the abuses. One might have used (or continue to use) fear, passive aggression, or manipulation as strategies instead of outright aggression. But this takes a toll on our bodies certainly-- and our spirit.

Is it possible to use anger and the energy it creates as a source of both compassion and power? Is it possible to see the point of view of the person on the opposite side of the political, gender, racial justice spectrum without diminishing our own truth or safety? Can we neither give our power away, or on the other hand, bully our way to what we think we want? If we have been the aggressor, or the one with the power to harm, can we find the ways or words to apologize without our own diminishment?

It has been an inspiration to observe that recovery itself is a form of activism.
We learn the ways to be mindful, to respond instead of just reacting. We track the ways that our abuses have conditioned us and break those patterns by mending our own minds. We perform inner brain surgery on our programming We also bear witness with fierce compassion to the suffering of others and of ourselves—as a response to the racism, illness, loss of life and work, and the struggle for justice.

Anger can work as a creative force, not a destructive relationship with others or within ourselves. But dealing with the inequities, the injustice and the abuses of this world calls for creating space between the stimulus and the response. Can we find that one heartbeat between so we can redirect and meet the situation instead of using our old habits and addictions. Can we re-member ourselves instead of resorting to the old patterns that no longer work and perhaps never did. It is why we need community, not just our own individual resources.

Then we can act, respond, serve, choose to engage or disengage—love.

This is and isn’t the beginning.

Advice for the newly hatched.

Later, you will admire the tree you came from – its artistic notches, the flourish of branch and bark, the sweet density of leaf and blanket of shade, how the view often tilted in your favor – skyward – where clouds drifted into whatever shapes you wanted them to be. You will tell stories of your past in the way of myth, each vignette pearlescent as dew. You will pluck good fruit from the old stems, and the skin will still be soft and yielding. For now, though, offer your betrothal to this strange, quaking new body. Admire the heated voltage of your fear, your blood circling the drain. Remember you are merely at the outskirts of your own ballast, that the swaying will go on for awhile, and then it won’t, and then it will again.
This is and isn’t the beginning. This is and isn’t the end.

-MAYA STEIN
 for C.

 
Image complements of www.pixabay.com

Image complements of www.pixabay.com

This is and isn’t the beginning. This is and isn’t the end…

If you are on the front lines, the situation feels endless, and utterly overwhelming.

You don’t have time, you can’t exercise, you are witnessing unimaginable suffering…
If you are in quarantine, the situation feels endless—you are hamstrung.
Your kids may be struggling. You may be bored or lonely, or have found some new ways to have peace or perspective, to be grateful, to be hopeful. As you are in the struggle on race and racial justice, it is exhausting and endless. Yes it is, and we go on because this matters.

Stay awake. Stay tuned in, as best you can. Don’t beat yourself up when you can do neither.
This is and is not the beginning. This is and is not the end.

and now this:

Some reflections from Hope Springs

And now…some reflections from our TBO participants who came to the Weekend of Recovery in Hope Springs. May, 2019

“The TBO weekend was unlike anything else I had ever experienced. The facilitators are very skillful, attentive, and compassionate, and they work well together as a team. The sense of community that is created in a few short days is amazing. Some of the exercises took me pretty far outside my comfort zone, but I felt very supported, and was able to go deeper into this healing work than I expected. I was challenged, but also felt safe enough and supported enough to explore experiences that were new to me. I left the weekend feeling more connected with my body than I have ever felt before. I feel that there are many new pathways to healing that are open to me. I know that this is not the end of my healing journey, but a new beginning.”

hope springs woods jpg.jpg

“A life-changing event, allowing me to fully embrace myself, not as a victim, or even as a survivor, but as someone who can thrive in this world. The weekend reminded me that I am "me" not my trauma. Looking around the room, knowing that each of those beautiful human beings have a similar story, knowing that I see them and appreciate them as beautiful souls, helps me realize that I'm one of those beautiful souls. I am not separate. We are all connected. Apart of this world. We are not walking alone. That reminder....it's an incredible gift!”

hope springs.jpg

I made connections to strangers that became family within days. I know they are there for me and I'm there for them. We have been able to become vulnerable with each other and borrow strength from one another when needed.

“Sexual abuse removes us from community and creates the false security of isolation. Participating in a TBO weekend creates a community reflective of the environment in which I live that is safe to be authenticated, vulnerable and powerful. Bringing that experience back home allowed me to be more compassionate not only with those around me, but with myself as well.”

“I am "starting to see clearly now".....thanks to an accepting and non-judgemental weekend among loving caring people...a unique experience for me”